As of Sunday, I am single, after 5 months of dating the most incredible man I know. I still 100% believe that he is the man I was created to spend my life with, but we just rushed into dating too quickly, and we made some poor choices, and it’s just not the right time.
BUT, within this week that we have been apart, God has spoken into my heart more than ever before! I feel like I’ve been filled with so much wisdom just within the last 24 hours.
And I’ve realized, that if I plan to spend forever with John, then I need to learn how to become a woman who is worth spending forever with. And right now, I’m just a screwed up kid with a lot of growing up to do.
God is too good. Beyond thankful for the grace He’s poured over me this week.
I’ll try to post more often! I promise I haven’t forgotten about this blog. I’ve just been consumed by love for my best friend when I should have been consumed by love for my Creator who GAVE me my best friend.
Hope you guys are doing great. :) <3
Tomorrow makes two months since the day you managed to get every single wall in my heart to crash to the ground. And it’s been almost 4 months since you admitted to pursuing the affections of my heart. I am so glad that this is what our friendship blossomed into. I am so glad you are here.
You always make me feel important, and cherished. You always make me feel beautiful, and so, so, so loved. You are one of the very best things to ever happen to me. And I love you deeply.
I fully intend to be your wife one day. And what a beautiful day that will be.
Thank you for being the man that God has called you to be, and for always encouraging me to be the woman he has called me to be.
HELLO GUYS. I have been slacking on posts (again) and I’m sorry. So here is a quick update:
- I am in a relationship. Have been for a month.
- His name is John. He’s been one of my best friends for a little over a year.
- I’ve never felt so cherished in my life.
He is really, super great. Like, REALLY. It’s been really nice to be happy again. I’m excited for what the future holds for us. (And trust me, I wouldn’t be with him if I didn’t believe we had a chance at a beautiful future.)
God know we’re worth it..
I’m all smiles. I’ve started making some positive changes in my life lately, that will give me an all-around, brighter future. I’m more excited about life now. I’m more excited about knowing you now. I was before, but it’s just grown since I’ve started to better myself.
I only hope to make you proud to be mine one day. I hope to always bring joy to your life, and love to your heart. The future is looking so bright.
I’m so stoked to know you and love you and serve you some day. I’m excited for the day that I’ll be able to fall asleep and wake up next to you. I’m excited for hugs, and holding hands. I’m excited for dates, and nights that we just stay in and spend one on one quality time together. I’m excited to be a cute couple, and I’ll probably be cheesy and make you things, and take a lot of pictures with you. And you better like it!!!
Whoever you are, I hope you’re as excited to do life together as me.
Loving you always,
haha. A chat I had with a man from Haiti about love, and waiting for the one God made for me. :) Sadrac is awesome!
I have been thinking about you a lot; who you are, what you like, what you do. I’ve been thinking about what an adventure it will be to one day know every detail of your heart, and mind, and soul. And what an adventure it would be to spend each of my days and nights with you.
I’ve been dreaming of your arms around me. I’ve been longing for your embrace. I’ve been patient.
I feel like I’m at the age where people are just waiting for me to find someone to settle down with. A majority of the people I graduated with are engaged/married/parents already. And, while I am excited to know you, I’m just really not feeling the need to rush myself. Not anymore, anyways.
I get my days where I’m terribly lonely, and just want someone, anyone, to cuddle up with. But I’m realizing how ridiculous that is. I swear all my cuddles and kisses are being saved for you.
I’ve made a big discovery lately, and I find that it’s a major breakthrough in my life. I’ve realized that I have not loved myself for the last 10 years of my life.That’s half of my existence. And I’ve realized that I cannot let anyone else love me, or let myself love anyone else, until I can put an end to my own self-hatred. And that means, I’ll never love you until I love me.
Starting tomorrow, I’m going to begin my journey towards loving myself. And I know it’ll probably be the most difficult thing I’ve tried to do. But 10 years is much too long.
But I know it’ll be worth it. For myself. For Jesus. For you. I can learn to love myself with the help of God, and with my future love for you as a motivation.
 Dear You,
I hope you play some sort of instrument, because I would adore being able to make music with you. I’d like to just hang out with you on rainy days like today, out on a porch, playing acoustic guitar, and singing songs. Maybe that seems cliche, but I’d like for it to happen.
Praying for you today. I admit, that my prayers for you have been few and far between lately. I apologize sincerely. :c I’ve been distracted, and thoughts of you have been far from my mind. I hope that doesn’t make you feel less important, because finding you, and knowing you, and loving you is very important to me.
Patiently Waiting to be Yours,
I’ve been getting sick a lot this year. More than I have in the last 4 years combined. I think today is maybe the 7th or 8th time so far. My medicine just makes me feel worse.
When I’m feeling this way, I just want someone to hold me. But no one ever wants to, because they think I’m contagious. I’m not. Would you? Would you go beyond any fear of getting sick yourself, just to be there for me?
The last time I got sick, I had to go to the hospital. They just said it was gastritis and acid reflux. I’m not so sure that that’s all it was. Just because nothing has changed since I got the medicine they told me to get. It’s all just continued to go downhill.
I really wish you were here. I just
want need someone who isn’t afraid to be near me. I need you.
 My Darling Man,
I’m sorry that it has been a while. I’ve allowed a lot of things to get in my way of writing to you. I hope, if I show these to you one day, that this huge time-gap does not make you feel less important. You mean more to me than I could ever tell.
I’ve been going through some rough times lately, emotionally and mentally. I wish I had you here to actually talk to. I’ve been dealing with a lot of loneliness. A lot. And it’s not something that I deal with very well. But I’ll be alright, I think. I’ll just keep you in my heart, and the excitement of truly knowing and loving you.
A man told me, yesterday, that he is interested in me. I had to turn him down, because I just know he’s not you. In the past, I was never able to tell people “no”, even if I didn’t like them. So it let to a lot of strange, creepy, awkward situations. But I’ve become very picky, because I don’t want to be with anyone until I know for sure that it is you. I don’t know how I’ll know…I assume it’ll just feel right. I just know I can’t handle any more strange, creepy, awkward situations, or heartbreaking separations.
The next man I allow into my heart will be you. I will make sure of it.
Forever waiting to be yours,